Day 4 Pre-Op, Down 2.4

So I lost another 2.4 lbs today, so that puts me 1 lb below my official start weight. I think I'm on the right track. Woot!!

I find myself hungry here and there, but only because I don't feel like finding something carb-free. It seems like more work to get a low carb snack instead of grabbing a handful of chips or something.

We even took the kiddos to McDonald's yesterday (we had to make yet another run into Omaha to go to Lowes), and I did fine. I got a grilled chicken and bacon salad. I'm allowed dressings, so I used the regular full-fat dressing that came with it. It was mighty tasty.

Laundry room is almost done, just a little paint left to do. The house is still a war zone, as all the stuff that belongs in the laundry room is strewn about. It'll definitely be worth it! That's going to be the nicest room in my 106 year old house, so when people come over, they're going to have to see it!

Day 3 Pre-Op

I was down 1.2 this morning, so I think I'm headed on the right track. And then after I weighed myself, nature finally kicked in, so I just feel a lot better today.

My in-laws are up for the weekend, you know, the same ones I've blogged about previously. Because they've never asked any questions, they don't know that I'm on a low carb plan. In fact, I'm not sure they even know what carbs are. Remember, they don't need diets.

Anyway, cooking as been a little hard, mainly because my house is all a mess because we're re-doing our laundry room (that's why they're here). But, we'll get through it. It has to be done before we fly out to Denver for surgery, because I'm not coming home to this mess!

I just wanted to let everyone know that I moved the right direction today. It's exciting to see the scale going down, I can't wait to see that for the next year or so!!

Day 2 Pre-Op Continued

Well, I went over all my paperwork to make sure there wasn't something I was missing, and there sure wasn't.

To clarify, I'm on a LOW carb diet, not a NO carb diet. My nutritionist has told me I'm allowed one yogurt and one fruit a day, which I understand are pretty high carb foods. Also, I had emailed her a few days back about nuts, and she said nuts and peanut butter are ok in small amounts.

I guess I have to believe they know what they're doing.

However, I will say that yesterday just felt like I had a load of calories. I know that's not what I'm supposed to be watching, but it felt like a LOT.

Today, I haven't eaten nearly as much. Mainly, I think, because I . . uh . . um . . .haven't gotten rid of anything from yesterday. I just haven't felt very hungry all day long.

I have been trying to do more water. That's one thing that makes total sense to me, so I'm just going to keep pushing it. It's a little hard, though, because I feel so bloated from yesterday.

I think I'll see how it comes over the weekend, and if need be, I'll email my nutritionist on Monday. Initially, they had told me to monitor my weight over the first week, and if I hadn't lost, to change my eating for the second week. I'm not sure what changes I'll need to make, though. I guess that's why they're there - to coach me through this.

Thanks for all your suggestions, though. That's why I do this!

Rut-roh Shaggy

I gained 3 lbs in one day. This is not good. I'm supposed to loose 5 lbs before March 11th, and this is definitely not going to help.

Does anyone have any advice on this? The only diet I've ever done with real conviction is Weight Watchers, and I always lost about 5 or 6 pounds the first week, and some of it did happen on the first day.

Has anyone ever done the low carb thing? Did it take a while for it to kick in?

I know I probably shouldn't freak out after only one day, but realistically, I only have 13 more days. That's not much!

Should I email my doc's office?

They already have my money, so I have to figure out how to shrink my liver up and out of the way.

I've changed my name!

I'm going to use just my first name for my profile name. My old name will show up on some old comments, but those will get buried soon enough. Just doing my best to stay anonymous. Thanks for your patience while I figure things out!

One more pic!

This picture is from about 7 years ago. This is when I did Weight Watchers for the first time - it was pretty successful, for the short term, at least. I went from about 170 to my all time low of 139 (for one day). I had wanted to get my belly button pierced for spring break, so I did it a little ahead of time. I remember that I weighed exactly 145 when I had that done, so this pic must be right around that time.

I can't believe that was me just a few short years ago. My stomach will never look like that again, considering I've gotten stretch marks from both pregnancy and fattyhood.

Anyway, enjoy!

Day 1 of Pre-Op & Some Pics

Seems like no big deal so far. I had yogurt and string cheese for breakfast, and just had cocktail wienies for lunch. I haven't figured out what I'm making for supper yet, I should probably get on that. Maybe some polish dogs? I have a big roast in the freezer, but I think it's getting too late in the day to get that going. I am getting just a bit of a headache, so I'm not sure what that's from.

I have to share with you about last evening:

It was my last fat person supper, and my husband was at school teaching, so we couldn't go out or anything. That was fine, because we've hit quite a few of my "last supper" restaurants in the last two weeks or so. Well, when he's not home, I never feel like cooking for myself and the kids, so I just grabbed Chinese takeout. I live in a pretty small town (for you, probably, but for me, it's plenty big!), but for some reason, we have a really great Chinese restaurant.

Well, as I figured it was my real last supper, I thought I would have a pop with my crab rangoon. I used to be addicted to the stuff, but I've tried to ween myself off of it over the last month or so. I figured it'd be one less thing to deal with. I've gotten off pop before, but I could never make it last. That's why I started so early. But I thought I'd give it one last hurrah with my last supper. Well, guess what? I couldn't drink it. I couldn't get past two swallows. It just didn't taste very good at all. It was Sprite, so it's not like it was overly powerful tasting or anything, I just couldn't do it.

Is this how it'll be with food? Rarely do I not eat a certain food, even if I think it tastes not-so-good. I still eat it. That's obviously what got me here, right? Hm. I hope that I'll be able to feel that same way about food.

Anyway, you may have noticed I posted a weight loss ticker up above. I figured I'm going to put it all out there from the get-go and give you my real weight. I hadn't stepped on a scale in quite some time, and I had been guessing that I weighed about 245, so it's a nice surprise when I didn't. I feel like I have a mental head start! Also, my goal weight is a total shot in the dark. I have no idea what I'm supposed to weigh, or what my doctor wants me to weigh. I threw 140 up there because that's the lowest I've ever weighed during my adult life. I was at 139 the day I left for Spring Break my senior year of college. When I got back, I was at 145, and just kept right on going on up since then. I'm sure my goal weight will be changing, but I wanted to start a ticker.

Now on to some pics. This is not easy to do! I cannot remember the last time I voluntarily stood in front of a camera like this, with no kids to hide behind!

This was at about 12:30 am, right before we went to bed. I'm tired.



Notice my hands don't go all the way down into my pockets? I've never realized that before.




This pic makes it seem like I have a long torso. I don't. I think it's just that my rear is so wide my jeans don't really cover it. So what looks like the lower part of my long torso is really the upper part of my enormous butt.

And finally, a shot of my head. I never realized how fat the back of my head/neck is. I have those back-of-the-head rolls you see on the bouncers at the bar. You know what I'm talking about? I had no idea.



I think that's probably enough of me for the day. I still have my undies pics, but those won't see daylight for a while.

Hope everyone that was banded this week is feeling better!!

Isn't it pretty?

I've finally dressed up my blog! Thanks to those who helped me learn how to do it!

Enjoy!

My Last Day! - And other random thoughts.

Today is my last day of eating like a fat person - my pre-op diet starts tomorrow. I'm required to restrict my carbs, but I have no other requirements.

Last night I went low carb grocery shopping. Never before have I done a low carb diet, so I'm really at a loss to what's considered "low." Initially, I thought I'd do no carbs, but then when I started looking at stuff, I realized that there's quite a bit of stuff that they specifically told me to eat that has at least a few carbs in it. So that makes me confused about where to draw the line. I obviously avoided bread, pasta, rice, and beans, but I didn't know where to stand on peanut butter, for example. I bought a couple of things I wasn't sure about, so I'll be emailing the nutritionist today.

I bought A LOT of meat. I never buy that much meat. The total was a shocker, I'm used to living on pretty cheap pasta and such.

Moving on . . .

Another thing happened last night that reinforced the weirdness around my in-laws (see previous post) - While I was out shopping, my dad called me last night and started asking me about my upcoming travel/surgery dates. He goes, "So you'll be able to call me the night of surgery to let me know how you're doing?" My ILs have never asked for us to do that. And this is coming from the people who NEED to know every medical issue. They want to know when my kids have an ear infection, even when they have a cough for goodness sake. They got super mad at my FIL's stepmom (who lives several hours away) when she was hospitalized overnight for dehydration, but didn't tell them. They really want to know that stuff. So again, it's just weird that they seem to have no interest in me and what I'm doing. I just don't get it.

I asked my hubby last night if he has any idea why his parents don't seem to care about this surgery. He goes, "I guarantee it's because they have no earthly idea how to approach the topic." Now this is totally characteristic of them. My ILs work in extremes. They're either super involved/interested, or won't touch the topic with a 10 ft pole. When my first daughter was born, they must have been afraid of intruding, because as soon as they left from visiting us in the hospital, they didn't call. I mean nothing. No "how's she doing?"; "how's Kim feeling?". This went on for several months. They would rarely come visit, and when they did, they'd stay for an hour, and then go sleep on the floor of my sister-in-law's apartment, instead of using the guest bedroom that they'd used at our house for years. They wouldn't even ride in a car with us if we were heading out for dinner or something. And this was their first grandchild. Honestly, my hubby and I were pretty hurt by their behavior, and we started mentioning to his sisters how it's so weird that they don't seem to want to have anything to do with their grandbaby. One if his sisters was in high school at the time, so she still lived at home. She started in on her folks telling them that its ridiculous to keep avoiding us, when they want so badly to spend time with their granddaughter. There was never any real turning point, they just slowly outgrew it. They're normal with the kids now, but it was a weird first couple of months at the beginning.

So, my hubby's probably right. They're probably at home worried as hell that I won't survive surgery and pouring over the internet trying to figure out how this band works. But they won't ask one single question, or ask to be informed of my well being. It's just so weird. My dad is so much easier to deal with - he just calls me up and asks a question, and I answer it. So much less drama.

Anyway, moving on again . . .

We took my before pictures last night. What a friggin' wake up call. I should have taken "before pics" years ago, I'd be a heck of a lot skinnier now! Wow. I did some clothed, and some in my skivvies. Man, it was horrible. I didn't know I had so much back fat. So gross. My first thoughts when I saw them were, "Why on earth is my hubby still wanting to sleep with me?!?!" Nasty.

But, as we discussed afterward, this will be the worst time. When I do it in a month, I'll feel better about it.

I think I'll try to post the clothed pics tomorrow, along with my official starting weight. I'll probably save the half naked ones for later.

A quick pic!

One of my husband's sisters lives out in DC. For us folks from Nebraska, that's a pretty cool place to visit. My whole in-law family went out to visit her last year, and the 4 of us "kids" (my hubby's parents kept my two kiddos for the evening) toured the monuments at night. We took a great picture of the 4 of us sitting on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial.

What a cool photo op, huh? But I CANNOT get past my double chins, puffy cheeks, and squinty eyes.

Maybe we can go back out in a year or two and do this photo again. I'd love to be able to proudly display a photo like this in my house. For now, this one will just have to stay buried on my Facebook page.

I'm gonna steal a topic:

My friend Kristen over at http://catchytitlehere-elise.blogspot.com/ has an interesting topic today. She talks about the people around us and how their size affects how we feel about our size.

I'm going to make that my post today. I want to share with you the deal with my in-laws.

I love my IL's very much. They're pretty young for grandparents (51 and 49), so they are GREAT with my kids. I can send my girls over there for two weeks if I wanted to, and they would be fine. My father in law routinely buys my little girls nail polish when he's out shopping because he knows what they like. Both of them have never had any qualms about changing diapers, and they now have no problems taking my girls potty. Anyway, they're great with the kids.

They're also very skinny. I've heard my MIL remark before that, "It just doesn't matter what I eat, I always weigh 140!" She's had 3 kids. She's ALWAYS telling us about people that she works with, etc, telling her that she just doesn't look old enough to have grandkids, or a son who's almost 30. She make it well know that she gets compliments all the time on her looks.

My FIL is like a lot of men. He gets to 190, thinks he's getting way to big, so he stops eating cookies, and loses 10 lbs in 2 weeks. He's done that several times, and it always works.

My hubby is 6 ft tall, and weighs 185 lbs. He could probably lose 10 lbs in his stomach, but he's more or less ok. His two sisters probably weigh 110 and 140 lbs. The whole family doesn't watch what they eat, and very closely resemble the "Buttertons" from the commercial. I have never seen a family use so much butter. But still they remain skinny.

Before I was fat, they always dogged on overweight people. Comments such as, "I don't know how anyone can let themselves go like that!", etc, were a commonplace. I always wanted to say, "Those people probably eat less calories than you, but you would never understand that the same caloric intake turns out differently on different people." They don't get that. They just believed that people are lazy about it.

One time a few months ago, when my hubby was closer to 195, his family was all at our house because his sister was headed to the east coast for the summer and we had to take her to the airport (we live the closest). We needed to weigh her suitcase, so my hubby stood on the scale with it, put it down, and then got back on the scale. My MIL refused to believe that he weighed 195. She kept going, "YOU DO NOT weigh that much. That's impossible. Try it again." He keeps going, "Yes, I do Mom." And here's little ol' me sitting in the corner watching this whole spectacle, weighing probably around 230. Talk about wanting to crawl in a hole and disappear.

Well, after being around for a while, I started telling my husband that his parents' comments made me feel bad. My mom was very overweight before she died, and it started to occur to me that I'm glad she never met my IL's. I would've hated to subject her to their criticism.

As I've said before, my whole family is overweight. I kept my weight off for a few years while we were getting engaged and married and such, but I KNEW, just KNEW that it'd come back when I had kids. I know I told some of my friends that my IL's would hate me once I had kids, because I knew I'd be overweight again.

Well, the fat comments have slowed now that I'm fat. Well, maybe they haven't slowed, but for some reason, they just aren't about me. I don't know why they hold their tongues about me, but they sure talk about other fatties. Their one daughter, who is the skinniest, has told them before that their comments about overweight people aren't appropriate, so maybe they've sort of gotten the point. I don't know, they still make enough fat comments to bother me.

I waited till about the last minute to tell them about my lapband. I fear that they're thinking that I'm just weak, and should be able to do this by myself. But now that we've told them (I actually had my hubby do the talking) they haven't asked ONE SINGLE QUESTION about the whole thing. They know they have to keep the kids for 4 days, but they don't know anything else. It seems to me that they either don't care, or just can't bring themselves to accept that a family member needs help to not be fat. I know they know NOTHING about the lapband (because of course neither of them would ever need it), so you'd think they'd ask a few questions. But no, there's been absolute silence from their end. Zero, Zilch. That bothers me too.

But, here's my silver lining: With all of this belittling, at least it makes me want to be thinner. If my hubby and ILs were all overweight like myself, I almost guarantee it that I wouldn't feel the need for the lapband. But because they aren't overweight, I feel completely out of place.

I've always said that I'm doing this because I want to be there for my kids, which I certainly do, but maybe my "feeling 1 inch tall" around my ILs plays a big part. Probably bigger than I would have guessed.

Man, this blogging sure is therapeutic, isn't it?

Thinking of you!

I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm thinking of all my friends out there crossing over into BandLand! There was one or two that went today, one tomorrow, and some later this week. I'm so excited for all of you! I can't wait to hear you report back! I hope you're feeling well and best wishes to everyone!

I have no arms!

When I'm no longer fat, I look forward to my arms not going numb when I sleep.

Is this normal? I don't think so. Is it even healthy? Who knows. But anyway, if I wake up during the night at all, at least one of my arms is numb, from about the elbow down. I don't remember this when I was smaller, so I'm going to assume it's because I'm fat.

Has anyone else experienced this?

Nominations

Here it is! Thanks for helping me out, Stephanie!




Now on to my nominations. I'm really new at this, so I might have a hard time getting to 7!

Gen at http://ihearttheband.blogspot.com/. She's so inspiring. Plus, it looks like she lives in a beautiful place!

Ashli over at http://ashli82.blogspot.com/. She's preparing for her upcoming surgery, and seems so chipper about the whole thing. She lives near me, so that just makes her seem more real.

Lap Band Gal at http://lapbandgalsjourney.blogspot.com/. She over half way to her goal, and it's so nice to see people succeeding!

Carmen at http://mywittyblogtitle.blogspot.com/. She's also preparing for her surgery, and seems so real about everything!

I think I'll stick with that. Especially because I know not all of my nominees follow me, so they probably won't read this anyway. No worries, the rest of the world now knows that they inspire me!

Thanks again, Stephanie!!!

. . . . And Doggone It, People Like Me!

My band buddy, Stephanie, over at http://dreamsofskinnyhighheels.blogspot.com/ nominated me for the Beautiful Blogger Award!

I just feel like I've been scooped right under the blogging community's wing! I'm so new to this, I don't even know how to dress up my page! Nor do I know how to copy the actual award! If someone could give me the instructions, I'll throw it in here!

Here are the rules:
1. Thank the person who nominated you for this award;
2. Copy the award and post it in your blog;
3. Link to the blog of the person who nominated you;
4. Tell seven interesting things about yourself;
5. Nominate seven bloggers and;
6. Post links to the blogs of your nominees

1. Thanks so much Stephanie! I admire you because you've posted full, clear pictures of yourself. I just don't know when I'll get up the guts to do that. I'm also jealous of you because your insurance covers your procedure. Boo.

2. BLANK! (I thought I was tech savvy . . . )

3. See above!

4. Seven (Hopefully!) Interesting Things:

-I met my hubby in kindergarten. We went to kindergarten and first grade together at the public school, I went to a nearby parochial school for grades 2 through 8, and then came back to public school for high school. We started dating our junior year of high school, got engaged two days after graduation, and got married half way through college. We've been married 9 years this summer, and it's looking pretty good for quite a few more years!

-I have two beautiful daughters, ages almost 3 (on March 30), and just turned 4 (January 8). We tried to get pregnant for a while, and started seeing fertility docs. Turns out my hubby has next to nothing sperm-wise, so we required in vitro fertilization. I got pregnant with my oldest, laughed at my OB doc when he asked about birth control at my 6 week postpartum check up, and then ended up pregnant four months later. I now us BC. Ha! I also have a picture of my oldest daughter when she was 6 cells, growing in a petri dish. It's pretty cool.

-I'm REALLY nerdy when it comes to Excel. I'll do anything I can in Excel. I make grocery lists there (organized by aisle at the local Wal-Mart), and even designed my daugters' room's paint scheme in Excel. I keep track of literally every penny we spend. Really. I've maintained a spreadsheet for a budget since May of 2005. I can tell you exactly what bill was how much for any given month back to that date. I'm anal that way. I used to say, "Anal isn't always bad", but then I realized that might be too much information. *wink*

-I HATE country music. I know I'm from Hicksville, Nebraksa, so I should love every second of it, but it literally makes me want to vomit. My hubby doesn't listen to it really, but the rest of my family does, so riding in the car with them makes my ears bleed. I have never been more vocal about anything in my life.

-I just picked up sewing this past year. I had always wanted a sewing machine, so my in-laws got me a cheap-o one for Christmas a few years back. I didn't have the slightest clue what to do with it. It took me about 2 months to figure out how to thread the thing, and then I spent the last 3 or so years just hemming stuff as the need arose. But I decided I was going to make the 2009 Halloween costumes. I made some Disney princess dresses for the girls, and they turned out really beautiful. I never knew I had the talent! Now I'm in charge of making bolero's for the wedding I'm in in October!

-When I get good customer service over the phone, I'll call right back, demand a supervisor, and tell them how wonderful the previous person was. I used to work in a call center, so I LOVE doing this. More often than not, the service rep that you are complimenting will get an award at a team meeting or something. Try it sometime, it really warms your heart.

-And now for a serious one: My mom died of ovarian cancer when I was 12. She was obese, I'm guessing about 300 lbs when she was diagnosed. It seems like all the folks from Hicksville, NE, don't believe in going to doctors. Probably because they're all farmers and can't afford it. Anyway, my mom walked around in pain for quite some time, and finally went in. They diagnosed her, tried chemo, but she barely made it six months. She died on Christmas Day, 1992. Well, guess what? ovarian cancer is related to obesity. She was 42 when she died, only 13 years older than I am now. My daughters are definitely the reason I'm getting the band, but my mom is the example set for me. Don't take care of yourself - leave your kids without a mom. I'm not going to do that.


This is quite the lengthy post! To be continued . . . .

I Love Expedia!

I just booked all our travel plans for my surgery in Denver - actually, it's Aurora, Co. We had been planning on driving - it's an 8 hour drive - but we got a coupon from Expedia today for $100 off a 4 night trip! How perfect is that?

So my hubby and I leave Omaha at 10:00 am Wednesday, March 10th. I have my pre-op appointment Wednesday at 3:00 pm, so that should give us plenty of time to get there. We stay Wednesday night, have surgery Thursday afternoon (March 11th), and then stay at the hotel Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights. Then, we'll get back to Omaha early Sunday afternoon.

The whole trip - flights, hotel, and rental car - cost me a total of $514. Isn't that crazy cheap? I can't believe we're getting off for that price. Granted, we're certainly not staying at the Hilton, and we're definitely not driving an Escalade, but dang, I had no idea it would be so inexpensive. Plus, I'm SOOO glad I don't have to worry about riding for such a long time after surgery. I was definitely not looking forward to that. Now I don't have to worry about blood clots!

This just makes it more and more real . . . .

Weddings

When I'm no longer fat, I look forward to looking forward to weddings.

We have several weddings this year, one of which we play major parts. I hate going to/being in weddings when I'm fat. It's just one of those events that truly sucks when you're overweight. They're just not as much fun.

This whole past year, as events have gone by, I've always thought to myself, "Well, this will be my last birthday that I'm fat." or, "This will be the last Christmas that I'm fat." Remember, it took me a full year to get this surgery together.

But now I'm to the point where I can say, "Gee, there's no more major events left between now and my surgery. I'll have lost at least some weight at the very next thing I do!" It's such a nice change of thought. I love it.

Anyway, my family and I are parts of a wedding in October. The wedding is exactly 7 months after I start my pre-op diet. I wonder what I'll weigh. I hope I've lost more than 20 lbs. Please weight loss gods, let me lose more than 20 lbs in 7 months.

Now here's what's crazy about that wedding - I just got my dress today. Am I nuts, you ask? Perhaps. But it was super cheap and I made an educated guess.

You see, the bride in this wedding is all about a bargain. Her wedding certainly won't look like it came from Wal-Mart (it's at a downtown hotel), but she's DEFINITELY getting things at Dollar Tree prices. In fact, she got her own dress on craigslist for $50. It was a $600 David's Bridal dress, and she paid next to nothing. And it came with several veils to choose from AND a set of petticoats. All she needs to do is have it altered and cleaned.

But, because she's such a bargain hunter, she's been helping us bridesmaids find dresses on Ebay. A few weeks back, we found a size 16 David's Bridal dress for $50 on Ebay. It sells in the store for $170, so I figured it was worth a shot. I got it today, and it's really is beautiful. I tried it on, and I can get it on my body, but the zipper is about as stretched as it can get. So we'll see if it fits. It was just too good of a deal to pass up. I had to try it. Maybe I'll loose so much that it'll have to be altered down. Wouldn't that be cool?

Huggable Hangers?

When I'm no longer fat, I look forward to my clothes staying on the hangers.

Right now, everything is so big, it just slides right off. Perhaps I should be using Joy Mangano's Hubbable Hangers. Have you seen these on QVC? They look amazing. But somehow, I just can't convince myself to buy something from QVC. Now if I could find them in the "As Seen On TV" section of the store, I'd probably grab them.

On a non-band related note, I have to tell you about our experience at church yesterday. We go to a pretty small church, only about 50 people there on any given Sunday, so they're glad when anyone comes. As we're leaving church yesterday (in a blizzard, no less, it kicked up during the service) I run ahead with my 2 year old while my hubby is right behind me with the keys and my 4 year old. He isn't immediately behind me, so I turn around and see he is talking to an elderly lady. I run back, grab the keys from his pocket, and I hear him say "Well, we're just going to continue to bring our kids to church and do the best we can." I'm thinking, "what's going on . . ." but I run my daughter to the car, and then he's there shortly behind me. When we're all out of the blizzard, he told me that this lady pulled him aside after the service to tell him that she thought our children acted downright terrible, and she was offended. She said, "I'm just a visitor, and I don't know if I should say this, but I wanted to let you know that you'll probably be offending other visitors." I guess she was still bitching at him when he just walked away.

What a rag, huh? Who does that? You don't go to another congregation and tell a lovely young family that the kids are horrible. Especially because they weren't. We've had much worse days at church. There was no crying, no fits, no screaming for anything. They were chatty, but that's how you keep two little kids entertained for an hour and 15 minutes.

Anyway, she really bothered me yesterday. I've never had ANYONE, let alone a stranger, tell me that my kids were misbehaved. My hubby should have pushed her in the snow.

Exactly 4 weeks from to day . . .

I'll be nervous as hell. My surgery is scheduled for 1:00 in the afternoon. I wish it was a morning appointment so I could just get up and do it. I don't want to sit for half the day freaking out about the whole thing. I just want to get it over with.

Anyways . . .

I had my over-the-phone consultation with Paula the nutritionist yesterday afternoon. She was very helpful. Franky, the post-op diet doesn't sound that bad. She anticipates me being back on normal food by 2 1/2 to 3 weeks from surgery. That's a lot better than I had feared. I know there's some docs out there who make you stay on liquids for 3 weeks post surgery.

Here's what my schedule is supposed to look like, post surgery:

Clear, cold liquids for first day or two
full, cold liquids till day 7
soft foods starting about a week post-op
regular food starting 2 1/2 to 3 weeks post-op

I'll start protein supplements when I start full liquids. I'm supposed to do 3 supplements a day for the first month, and then back down to 2 supplements for the foreseeable future.

Doesn't seem that bad, does it? Perhaps I'll be eating my words (might be the only thing I'm eating) in 5 or 6 weeks, but I'll stay positive about it for now.

Honestly, I'm more worried about the pre-op diet. I need to do two weeks of very little to no carbs. That is my only restriction. She said it's not totally Atkins, as in, I can eat salad dressings and fruit and such, but I need to avoid the "Big 3" - pasta, bread, and potatoes. And grains and dried beans or peas.

This is going to be hard for me. I really don't think I eat much meat. About the only meat I do eat is ground hamburger mixed into something. Bread is always a side dish in our house. Always. It's really going to be an adjustment. But it's only two weeks, so I CAN DO IT!! I have to.

But, Paula said something yesterday that just about brought tears to my eyes. And I'm not a crier. At all.

Now that I'm down to my last two weeks of eating like a fat person, I've made my list of restaurants that we have to go to before my pre-op diet begins. One restaurant that I LOVE but had totally spaced off my list is Chipotle. Yesterday, when I'm talking to Paula, she was telling me that I'll be surprised by the amount of food that actually fills me up. She says, "For example, you'll cut your Subway sandwich in thirds, and get three meals out of it. You'll cut your Chipotle burrito in thirds, etc." For some reason, just hearing that I'll still be eating Chipotle like a normal human gave me this HUGE sense of relief. So much so that I was a hair away from blurting out, "YOUR GONNA LET ME HAVE CHIPOTLE *sniff* *sniff*?!?!?!" But I held it together, because that's what I do.

My husband, while being VERY supportive, has been mostly removed from this whole process. I do all of the research and consultations during the day when the kids are napping and he's at work, so he's not really here for any of it. I just give him the high points when he gets home. I was telling him this Chipotle business yesterday, and he goes, "So it sounds like we'll still be able to go out for dinner." So I guess this whole time he's been thinking that dinner date nights are over. I felt so bad for him. He's been so supportive this whole time, all the while thinking that we'll never go out to dinner again. Poor guy.

Anyway, sorry for the long and boring post. It's not even witty. I guess it's just me baring my soul. That's what blogging is for, right?

One brow or two?

When I'm no longer fat, I look forward to more eyebrow waxings.

Sounds sadistic, doesn't it? What I mean is that I look forward to wanting to take better care of myself. Right now, I let my eyebrows grow WAY too bushy. I don't know why it is, but I just don't feel like it does any good right now. I get it done, look in the mirror, and think, "Gee, my face is still really fat." It's not like it's inconvenient. The salon is a measly 4 blocks from my house, and she only charges me $8, so it's really no big deal. I just don't go in as often as I really need to.

The same goes for painting my toes. I just don't do it very often (I can't afford a pedicure every week). It probably has a lot to do with the fact that I can't get down there that easily any more.

And makeup. I never feel like doing make up. Granted, I don't go out for much other than to run the kids to school or stop at the grocery store, but I rarely do make up.

Perhaps when I'm not so fat, I'll feel like taking better care of myself in the beauty department. I'm hoping so. I'd hate to lose a ton of weight and still be fugly because I don't feel like whacking down my unibrow.

Once upon a time . . .

When I'm no longer fat, I look forward to walking my kiddos up the steps to their room, and sitting down to read them a story without being out of breath.

Currently, when we go upstairs to their room for bed time, I have to take a few minutes to catch my breath before I can start reading a story. I hate it. It's a measly one flight of stairs, and I'm totally winded by the time I get to the top.

It's ridiculous, really.

Failbook

When I'm no longer fat, I look forward to not finding horrifying pictures of me on Facebook.

Now I'm not totally ingnorant. I know that even when I'm skinny, there will still be awful pictures of me showing up - say, like, me picking my nose or scratching my rear or something awful.

Because of my weight, I never post pictures of myself on FB. Ever. The only pictures I post are of my kids. Even my profile pic is of one of my kiddos. However, I am tagged in TONS of pictures, because my family takes a ton of pics, loads them, and helpfully tags me in them. In fact, the picture on this blog was taken by a family member, and posted and tagged on FB by that same person. I didn't even have a picture of myself, I had to get one from my FB page that someone else took. Nice, huh?

Anywho, that same person loaded a bunch of pics of me taken that day. It was a little bit before Christmas, and we were at a museum. Santa and Mrs Claus happen to be there, and for some reason, my kids weren't terrified of them, so we got in line. Previously mentioned family member positions herself off to the side of Mr and Mrs Claus so she can take pictures of my kiddos first ever visit with the Big Man.

We get to the front of the line, and the kids are mostly ok with the whole process. They tell the lovely couple what they want, all while said family member is snapping pics left and right.

Fast forward two days, and I get the email, "Said Family Member has added pics of you on FB." Oh jeez. There's approximately 142 new pics. So I start clicking through them . . .yep, I'm sure fat . . . at least I'm behind someone here . . .man, that's a lot of chins . . .and so forth. And then I get to the pièce de résistance - a pic of me squatting down with my nervous 2 year old in front of Santa, with my ass crack in full view! Holy crap. Why couldn't Said Family Member, whom I love dearly, leave this particular pic out of the batch? Doesn't she realize that that's an unflattering picture? What is WRONG WITH PEOPLE!?!?!

Over the Shoulder Boulder Holder

When I'm no longer fat, I look forward to my bra straps staying on my shoulders.

I've always had enormous bazoombas. I swear I was a C cup in 6th grade. At my lowest ever adult weight - 139 lbs for one day my senior year of college - I don't think I was smaller than a D cup. At that weight, I'd see people whose bra straps were slipping, and I always thought it was because they had tiny boobs. Therefore, I knew I'd never have that problem.

Well, I was wrong.

Turns out that bra straps will slip because my shoulders are rounded. I want square shoulders, some that would hang on to that stinkin' bra strap.

Perhaps I should be getting one of those professional bra fittings that you see on TV. I guess I just don't even know where to find the ladies to do that. I haven't bought new bras in a while, but in recent years, I've always gone to Lane Bryant. I don't think they do those fittings.

Hmm. Just one more thing that I get to purchase along the road!

Out of the mouths of babes and former coworkers.

So my four year old has been chastising me lately about not being allowed to attend Mommy and Daddy's wedding. She can't grasp the concept that the wedding took place almost 5 years before she was born. She just thinks that we didn't let her go. She's REALLY into dressing up and being a princess, and we've been talking a lot about weddings lately because she and her sister are going to be flower girls in a wedding this fall. So she's really on this wedding kick.

So about a week ago, we told her she could watch our wedding video to see Mom and Dad's wedding. We waited for an evening that wasn't busy, so our whole family could sit down to watch. Now, this wedding was 8 1/2 years ago, and I was probably about 100 lbs lighter. We watch for just a few minutes, and the 4 year old starts to realize that something is different about Mommy. She keeps going, "Mommy, you . . .Mommy, your . . .Mommy . . .your EARS are so different!"

That brings me to my statement today:

When I'm no longer fat, I look forward to getting those, " . . .And who the hell are you?" looks, but only in a good way.

I quit work 3 years ago to stay home with my kiddos. A couple weeks back, I was eating out at a restaurant near my old workplace. Sure enough, 3 ladies that I worked with walked by to grab a table for lunch. I debated going up to say Hi, because I know I'm significantly fatter than I was when I quit (when I was one day away from giving birth, how terrible is that?). My social-ness got the best of me, and I decided to go by their table. I say, "Hi ladies!", and I get a blank stare back. After an agonizingly long second or two, they start to recognize me. But not without saying, "I barely recognized you!" Damn it! I want people to not recognize me because I'm skinnier than I was the day before giving birth, not fatter!

New Wardrobe, Part 2

Again, of course I'm going to get lots of new clothes when I get to goal, but that's so far off. I don't even know what goal is yet. But before then, I have an new wardrobe dream:

When I'm no longer fat, I look forward to wearing out my jeans by means other than the friction between my thighs.

Now I know I'm not the only one on this boat. Provided I don't "outgrow" a pair of jeans, the first thing that wears out is the fabric between my thighs. First it starts to get really thin and smooth, then gets a little threadbare, and then before I know it, I hear a rip and there's a huge hole in my jeans. I even did this to some of my maternity pants. Really, it's pretty gross.

One pair of my current size 24 jeans is now to the threadbare stage. However, I start by pre-op diet at the end of February, so I don't have much more time left in these anyway. I just have to be SUPER careful between now and then, because I don't have that many jeans that fit. I'm positive you other ladies have been in this situation. I'm not the only one in this world with tree trunks for legs.

I've finally added a picture

. . . And I didn't do what I normally do. I didn't pick a snapshot from a year ago that was taken at a really good angle. Instead, I found a strait up, normal representation of me, taken around Christmas time. Frankly, this is pretty hard to do.

I really plan to take progress pics of me in my undies. I just don't know if I can bring myself to actually post them. We'll see when that time comes, I guess.

And hello to my followers!

It's so nice to have friends in the Lap Band world. Thank you so much for supporting me! Maybe some day I'll get a picture up.

New Wardrobe

So of course I look forward to a new wardrobe when I'm no longer fat. My hubby is fantastic, and has promised me my own What Not To Wear shopping weekend. He teaches as an adjunct at a local college, so he wants me to use an entire terms' worth on clothes. Granted, he gets to pick some clothes for me too, so it's not like he doesn't get any benefit. However, that's not what this post is about.

When I'm no longer fat, I look forward to not having fat person T-shirt necks.

Do you know what I mean? Where the T-Shirt neck is stretched out and sort of rolled over? I'm a stay at home mom, so I spend a GOOD deal of time in sweats and T-Shirts. I hate that rolled over look on the neck openings.

But you know, writing this makes me realize that, hopefully, when I'm no longer fat, I won't want to live in sweats and T-shirts. Maybe I could wear a cute pair of jeans and a nice top, even if it is just around the house. Maybe. It's a nice thought.