It zips!

Remember the bridesmaid dress?

It zips!!



Sorry about the lighting, hubby took this at night, so not much light in our bedroom. Also, I obviously need a decent strapless bra. For this pic, I had to hold up the ole' tatas myself. Furthermore, I'll have to work on being able to breath in the next few months.

YAY!

So THIS is how the band works?

Holy moley, weighed in this morning at 215.6. That's another 1.4 down from yesterday! I got my 4th fill two weeks and two days ago, and I've lost over 8 lbs in that time. Holy crap.

I really feel like I'm making zero effort in the weight loss department, and it's just coming off on it's own. But that's the point, right? The band makes it easier for me to lose weight? And I know i'm not making zero effort - I'm drinking water and avoiding high calorie drinks and eating my protien and stopping when I'm full and all that other good stuff. It just feels so much easier than it has in the past.

So that's exciting.

In other very exciting but nerve wracking news -

I MAY GO BACK TO WORK.

I'm totally losing sleep over this. I quit a job that I loved (and was paid decently at) the day before my youngest daughter was born. That was almost 3 1/2 years ago. We sold a new house that we had built for ourselves in the city, and moved to a 100 year old home 30 miles out of town. We made a lot of sacrifices over these last few years to keep me at home. That includes living on (and sometimes going over) a very tight budget. My hubby has had all sorts of stress over these years, because he feels like he can't provide enough for his family.

Well, basically, I think we're finally tired of just scraping by every month. It would be nice to have some extra income, and maybe even pay off some of this debt that's been creeping up on us over the last few years. We want to put a stop to it before it totally ruins us.

So, I started making calls to the folks at my old company, who all seem thrilled to potentially have me back. I'm really lucky in that aspect - that I have folks that want me back. Turns out, there's a supervisor position just opening up that they intend to hire externally. Addtionally, the woman hiring the supervisor is a person that I worked pretty closely during my last year on the job. We know each other pretty well. So, I gave her a call and we chatted about me applying for this job. She seemed glad to hear from me, and told me, by all means, apply if you're interested.

So I applied last night. I got a call from the HR manager today, and we chatted a bit about what I've been doing to stay current while I've been away. She seemed pleased to hear from me (she knows me, too), and said that they're just getting started in the hiring process, and will call me back if they are interested. I did find out today that in the three years I've been gone, the company went from about 600 employees to about 1000, so that's good news.

So that's where I'm at. I'm super nervous about it all. What if my brain really melted to mush while I've been at home? What if everyone has really high expectations for me based on my previous employment there, and now I can't come through? I know those thoughts are completely unfounded, and if I did end up back there, I'd feel completely comfortable and have loads of people to support me. It's just change, so it makes me nervous.

With all this, I've had to do a ton of daycare researching. Currently, I have my 3 yo signed up for morning preschool on Tues and Thurs, and my 4yo signed up for morning preschool on Mon, Wed and Fri. So, if I don't go to work, I'll be taking one kid to school every morning. I've been calling daycares in the small town that we live in, the city that I would work in, and the bigger city that my hubby works in. Man, it's freakin expensive, but if I get this supervisor job, I'd still be bringing home extra money a month, so it would serve a purpose. BUT, I hate to pull my kids out of the preschool they've been going to.

So yesterday, I found a daycare here in town that had reasonable prices. I called my stay at home mom friend who had taken her son to preshool at this day care center, and asked her what she thought about the center. She couldn't say enough good things about it, totally loved it. So I think, "hm, maybe this is the way to go." My friend is asking me questions about what my job might be like, and I say, "you don't want to watch my girls, do you?" And she goes, "well, I might." REALLY? That would totally make this so much easier on me.

So the girls and I load up and go visit said friend to discuss details of such an arrangement. She wants to talk to her husband who is currently in China with his job right now, but she seems pretty good with everything. She has agreed that I could take my girls to school each morning (this supervisor job would start late enough to allow me to do that) and then head to work. She would pick them up from school every day (one kid on T Th, one kid on MWF), and keep them for the afternoon until my hubby got home from work at around 6:00.

This makes me feel SOOOO much better about going to work. We've had playgroup with this friend and her kids for several years now, so our kids all know each other well. We go over and play at her house all the time, so it wouldn't be a new place for my munchkins. PLUS, my kids could go to the preschool they're registered at (the same place that my 4 yo went to last year) with the same kids they're used to. It wouldn't be such a huge change for my kids, which is definitely worrisome to me.

PLUS, my friend would be significantly cheaper than an actual day care center, so that makes it even more worthwhile for me to go back to work. And I'd really be helping her out. She lives on the same tight budget that we live on, and could defintely use the extra money.

So that's my worries for the last few days. Basically, it looks like I more or less have child care lined up for my kiddos, I just need to land the job. I hope it works out. I'd love to work for my old company with all my old friends. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Follow up to the dress post. And an SV!

Thank you all for your wonderful comments on my post about the dress I made! I worried for a bit that I might be sort of lame making my own clothes, but I guess all of your comments speak otherwise.

I want to address a few comments specifically -

~D~: I wish I had had Home Ec! I woudln't have waited so long to start this hobby!

Grace: Thanks for speaking to your RN about me. That's what everyone has told me -that if I was slipping, I wouldn't be wondering about it.

Mary, Nella, Janelle, Sarah and Kerri: Thanks for inflating my ego!

Pamela: I find it a relaxing hobby. Maybe it would be for you if you tried it again?

Amandakiska: I have never laughed so hard at comment! Boobarella is SO APPROPRIATE for me! I'm going to have to give myself that nickname!

Kristin: That jacket actualy doesn't cover the boobage. It comes together too low. I'm thinking I'll just skip the jacket all together anyway.

Pie: I seriously knew NOTHING about sewing until about 4 years ago. If you're really interested, I would invest in a cheap machine (mine is a $75 jobby from Walmart) and a couple of yards of cheap fabric. Make loads of stiches on your fabric, just so you can learn how it feels and where the machine goes. THEN, find yourself a simple purse or tote pattern (they actually label them "EASY") to try out. It honestly did not take me long at all to work up to real clothing. I'd be more than happy to help you out if you really are interested. That, and Youtube can be your friend. I learned lots of stuff there.

Linda and Sandy Lee: See above. I really don't think it's that hard, and I'm not crafty or artsy AT ALL.

DiZneDiVa: You seriously crack me up.

Jen: I'll do my best not to show up the bride! She's a pretty rad gal, though, I think she'll hold her own.

Jacquie: Hey, you gotta start somewhere, right? And knowing how to make nice straight lines, ie pillows, is totally necessary. Feel free to ask questions, I'd LOVE to help someone out!

Dinnerland: This wedding is not super formal, we don't have weddings like that! And you're right, the more I look at it, the less I like the jacket. It's too hot for it anyway.

Bonnie: Not a prairie dress, huh?

Stephanie: You know, I've had people ask me to make something for them, and I've never really considered it. But, as I get farther along, I think it might be possible, even though I'm far from a professional! I don't know how I'd do it long distance, though. I have to have a body to pin the pieces to!

DB, Draz, Meli, Steph and Heather: Thanks for loving it!

Anywho, you guys are all the best! I heart you all!

Moving on,

I had an actual scale victory (SV) today! Yesterday, I weighed 217.0 - a new low. Today, I weighed . . . .217.0! I never maintain a new low! It usually goes something like this:

217.0 - new low
next day - 218.2
next day - 217.8
next day - 217.6
then another two or three days of 217.2-217.6
then, maybe five or six days after new low, I see it again.
then, stay at low for a day or two
THEN, maybe see a new low a week and a half after the last one.

But, today, I didn't gain!! Does that mean I could see a new low 2 or 3 days after my last one?

Is that how you all lose weight? I know not everyone weighs themselves every day, but I do. How does it work for everyone else?

Blog Background

Sorry about the blog background. I use Cutest Blog on the Block, and they are going through some changes. Hopefully I'll be back to my same old lovely self in the next day or two. I'll just leave it plain for now, as I REALLY liked my old background.

Thanks for your patience!

My homemade dress. WARNING Gratuitous boobage involved!

So I made myself a dress for a wedding we have coming up here in two weeks. I wanted a new dress, as I don't really have much dressy stuff that fits. We live on a tight, one income budget, so I thought now was the time to try to make something for myself. I've made lots of stuff for my kids, but nothing specifically for me. All materials for this dress cost me about $23-$26, including the pattern, which is multi-sized, so I can use it again. I spent $30, but I have loads of leftover fabric because I didn't purchase it correctly, so I could have saved a little bit.

Now I know what you're thinking - here's this girl, a stay at home mom, in NEBRAKSA of all places (do they even have running water there?), and she's making her own clothing. She's gonna look like freaking Laura Ingalls or something. Jeez, pretty soon she's gonna start talking about not believing in birth control and have 18 kids in 19 years or something.

Well, rest your weary minds, that's not me. I just really enjoy sewing, and I love the feeling of creating a lovely piece that's ACTUALLY WEARABLE. Whether it be for me or my kids, I really enjoy this hobby. I just started about a year ago, and I'm glad I have an activity that is pretty reasonably priced. Plus, I get something that serves a purpose when I'm done with it, as opposed to some collection that sits on a shelf collecting dust.

So anyway, on to the pictures. As stated in my title, lots of cleavage involved. Sorry, you're just going to have to live with it. I had to move my mirror to the girls' room, as their window faces east, so they have the best lighting. Disregard a the little girly stuff around me, and also my horrible hair. Sorry, not gonna fix my hair for blog pics!

This is an overall picture of the dress:


A closer up of the mid section:


A close up of the skirt. It has 8 vertical panels, sort of bell shaped:


A close up of the bodice. Overlap pattern, wide straps for appropriate bra strap coverage, and lots of cleavage. I'll need a little cami or something if I want to wear this to church:


A close up of the midriff. It's hard to see, but it's two bands on top of each other, each about 1.5-2 inches wide. I could have made these bands a contrasting color (that's what the pattern called for), but I was worried my boobs wouldn't fit entirely into the bodice, and then it'd look weird because I'd have another color that was supposed to sit on my waist sneaking up the underside of my boobs. Now that it's together, I kind of wish I had done at least the bottom band in a different color. Thinking that, I threw this ribbon on as sort of a belt to break up the overall pattern a little bit. What do you think? Is the ribbon stupid?


The pattern called for lining the entire dress, so I got bright red fabric for that. The patterned material is sort of flowy, and the lining was not so much, so I ended up leaving the lining out of the skirt part because the lining really hampered the movement of the skirt. It just made it feel really heavy and weighted down. However, that stiff lining works really well for the bodice and midriff - just gives it more structure. Also, I think it's sort of sexy - you know, a little red around the cleavage. Anyway, I like the red lining. It's one of my favorite parts, and it's on the inside!


Lastly, here is a pic with a jacket I threw on. I think it works pretty well. I was going to make a coordinating jacket as I have a pattern already, and fabric would probably only cost me about $5, but I think this one will work. I don't see the point in making something new when I have one that will work. Plus, it's like 97 degrees here anyway, so I don't know if I'll really need a jacket. I just wanted to have one that works. Thoughts?


So what do you think? Not a Laura Ingalls dress, right? Appropriate for a wedding of a crazy college friend? Your opinions are needed! Thanks!

Urgh - My first real stuck episode

So hubby wants to bring home Taco Bell for supper. I had a hard taco there last week, and it went down fine, so I figure I'll try a small burrito to see how that goes. I wanted to skip the hard taco because I figured that it's be pretty squishy after the 1/2 hour drive home anyway.

So anyway, I got about 3 or 4 bites into that stinkin burrito, and whoa, pain city. Ouch. I didn't throw up, but I've never been so close. I sat in the bathroom, and the pain sort of came over in waves. As in, it would get REALLY intense, and then sort of fade out, then come back a few seconds later. Anway, it hurt.

I probably sat there for 10 or 15 minutes, and I finally got one really hard wave of pain, and then the bite went through. Phew. It hurt. Needless to say, hubby finished my burrito.

So, later on in the night, I figured I'd try something hard and crunchy, not so gloppy like the tortilla. I got some of those hard pretzel pieces from Synder's, and tried that. Two bites in, stuck city. Again. Not as bad as the first time, but still stuck.

I had to have irritated my band with the burrito, don't you think? My last fill got me pretty tight, but I've NEVER had issues with something hard and crunchy, usually that goes right through. I finally gave up trying to eat and had a protein shake.

On a related note, I've lost over 6 lbs since my fill 9 days ago, bringing me to a new all time low. Woot! I'm thinking I'm really gonna get somewhere with this one. I guess I already have, huh?

On a related related note, I finished making my dress that I started on Monday. I think it turned out pretty awesome. It's cool because I can customize everything, so if the straps seem a little too long and maybe apt to fall down, I can shorten them while I'm making the dress - easy peasy. As it's the middle of the night, I'll try to post pics tomorrow. I don't have much for lighting now.

Toodles!

Busy, busy weekend. And a dress.

So busy, in fact, that it's carried through until Monday!

My husband's mom turns 50 this week, so we had a surprise birthday party for her. The biggest surprise that we included was to fly in my sister-in-law (her daughter) and her fiance from DC.

So, Saturday morning we drove to Omaha to get said sis-in-law and fiance from the airport. We did some quick shopping (cards and decorations) and grabbed a cake on the way home. We came back to our house for an hour or so to get ready, and then headed an hour and a half the other direction to the surprise dinner.

Mom-in-law shows up to dinner, and is shocked to see 26 of us there, but is ESPECIALLY shocked to see sis-in-law and fiance there. Of course she bawled for a while! She sniffled a little bit more when we presented her with a new mother's ring.

So we had dinner, and I ordered chicken strips. They went down pretty well, I had 3 average sized strips and 2 or 3 french fries. I skipped the cake, it wasn't even appealing to me.

We all went back to mom and dad-in-laws place afterward, and totally crashed. I did pretty well eating the next day, even at the Chinese buffet we had for dinner! I tried an eggroll, but it didn't go down very well. I had a couple of pieces of breaded chicken, and about 4 or 5 small crab rangoons. This weekend was the first real dinner I've had out where it would be obvious that I'm not eating like a normal person at a buffet. Fortunately, there were a BUNCH of us at that buffet (fiance's whole family drove in so we could finally meet them) so no one really paid attention to me.

After dinner buffet, we drove back home with sis-in-law, and then drove her to the airport Monday afternoon (fiance stayed with his family after dinner Sunday night). I weighed myself this morning to see the damage, and I weight the exact same as I did when I left. Woo hoo!

That means that my 4th fill is 8 days old, and I've lost exactly 5 lbs in that time. I'm still not at my all time low (I saw that two days after my 3rd fill), but I'm only .2 lbs above that. Oh so close! Should be this week, though. This fill is definitely doing it's job.

So there you go. I call it a pretty successful weekend all the way around.

Moving on to a dress -

We are going to a wedding in 2 weeks. I decided a few weeks ago that I wanted to buy a new dress for this wedding. As I've said before, we're on a pretty tight budget with me being a stay at home mom. So, I was thinking maybe I could try to sew myself a dress.

Here's a quick history of my sewing skills:

-received sewing machine as a gift about 4 1/2 years ago. No clue how to even thread it, let alone actually use it.
-fiddled with machine for about 3 1/2 years, just hemming stuff and making curtains. Basically, just doing straight lines.
-decided that I wanted to make Halloween costumes for my girls last Halloween. Started on them in July because I didn't know how long it would take me.
-made a Belle dress and a Snow White dress for my girls last summer/fall. Turned out pretty good, considering it was my first attempt at a pattern.
-made cheerleader outfits for my girls last fall to wear to a football game at my Alma Mater. Go Lopers!
-made practice adult jacket this spring. I'll be making bolero jackets to match our bridesmaid dresses for the wedding we're in in October, and I wanted to make one with cheapo fabric to see how it would turn out. Also made a matching pocket book.
-made 10 sun dresses for my girls this summer. This took me about 2 weeks, including one whole weekend that I had entirely to myself.
-made 2 robes for my girls this summer. Instead of spending $4 a yard on fleece (so each robe would have been $8), I got 2 knock off snuggee blankets for $3.50 each and cut up one for each robe. Less than half the price!

So that's the stuff I've made. With this wedding coming up, I'm thinking maybe it's time I try to make something for myself.

What sucks though is that pattern sizes really don't correspond to real world sizes. For instance, the bridesmaid dress that I just finally squeezed into is a size 16, but I'm a size 22 in sewing patterns. Talk about a bummer, huh? I didn't realize this until I had already purchased a pattern and the required fabric.

I got home and took everything apart, and it hit me that it didn't quite seem big enough. Poop. So I hit Joann's on the way to the airport yesterday. Fortunately, they had patterns on sale for $1, so I didn't have to spend much to get another, larger pattern. What sucks though is that I had already purchased my fabric based on the first pattern, and the new pattern didn't require nearly as much fabric (yes, it's bigger, but the skirt is a different style, so it just doesn't use as much).

So I've been working on the dress the last day or so. I'm getting a lot faster at this, I'm actually almost done with it. I spent a total of about $30 on all the supplies, but I have probably $6-$8 worth of extra fabric that I wouldn't have paid for if I had had the right sized pattern in the first place. That irks the thrifty part of me, but hey, I'm getting a dress for $30, so I should not be b*tching. Plus, I could probably make something little out off the leftovers - there's enough of it.

I would like to post a pic or two of my in progress dress, but my daughter is sleeping in the room with my SD card adapter, so I'll just have to wait and post finished dress pics. I should be able to finish it tonight, I'll have pics up on the next day or two.

So that's the story of my extended weekend, and my new project. Hope yours was as good as mine!

Thank you! - and some questions

Thank you all for the good vibes sent my way. I know a lot of you have been worried with me, which keeps me from feeling totally alone. Anyway, thank you for being my friends!

On to some restriction questions:

So I think I have some decent restrction now. Hopefully. However, I feel like I'm getting hungry too quickly.

It seems that I can't eat much more than 3 or 4 oz. I had 4 oz of meatballs for breakfast (I've never liked breakfast food, and it seems to me that lots of breakfast food is carbs anyway, so I'll just go ahead and have meatballs for breakfast, thank you.) because I really wanted to get 4 oz down to see how long that would last me. I was able to finish them, and I was pretty full. Those 4 oz lasted me about 3 to 3.5 hours. Is that normal? Or, should I say, is that what you guys experience?

For lunch I had a turkey and cheddar lunchable. The whole thing (8 crakcers, 8 slices of cheese, 8 slices of turkey) is a total of 4.5 oz. I couldn't do all 8, I could only get through 5. That meal lasted me about another 3 hours.

So what are your thoughts? I'd like to try to get to the 4-6 oz meals that the doc in Lincoln mentioned just to see how long I could go on that, but it seems like even getting to 4 oz is hard, I don't know how I'd get to 6. At least right now.

This is restriction, right?

I'm still alive, nothing drastic has happened!

But I did spend a buttload of time on the phone with the bariatric coordinator at Dr K's in Denver (original surgeon -plane ride away) and Dr T's nurse in Lincoln (doc I picked for a local fill).

Here's what I think the bottom line is:

Dr K did my surgery his way, and when it didn't look familiar to Dr T he was caught off gaurd, and couldn't figure out what he was looking at. He started rambling, and scared me unncessarily.

I called Dr K's office first, and spoke with Natalie, who is a total sweetheart. She said what most of you said - that if I was slipped, I wouldn't be guessing about it. I'd sure as hell know something was wrong. She said I should call back to Dr T and see if I can get my pictures from the barium swallow sent to Dr K so he could evaluate them.

So I call Dr T's office, and speak to the nurse that was in the room during this wacky barium swallow. I say, "can I have my pictures sent over to Dr K so he can look at them?" She goes, "No." So my heart starts racing, and I realize I'm gonna have to lay down the law with these people. I ask, nicely, "And why the hell not?" She tells me that the machine they use for barium fills is an old school machine, and doesn't record to a CD like Natalie at Dr K's office thought it should. I asked if I could have the physical pictures that I saw them print out, and she says something along the lines that the machine is so old and the pics are grainy and we know what we're looking at, but another surgeon might not and yadda yadda. She sums it up by telling me that if I want decent pics to send Dr K, I'm gonna have to come back in and go for a proper barim swallow at the radiology clinic - which of course I can't afford. I mean, the crappy barium swallow cost me $367, what would a proper one cost? I didn't even ask. So I talk with the nurse for a while, cause she can tell that I'm sort of panicked. She tells me that Dr T looked over my op note more thouroughly after I left, and saw all the stitches that Dr K put in to keep my band from slipping, and he doesn't do that, so it looked weird to him. And that may cause this puddling right after the band. She says that she's absolutely certain that Dr T would not have sent me out of that office with a fill if he had even the slightest inkling that I have a slip or am starting to slip.

So I called Natalie back at Dr K's and told her all about it. She thought it was ridiculous that I paid $367 for a crappy ass barium swallow that I couldn't even get pics from. She said they do the full blown, modern technology barium swallows for $200.

So I talked to Natalie for a while, and we determined that I'm best to just hang out and see what happens. It's looking more and more likely that I actually have no issues, but just a band placement that didn't look familiar to the local doc that I picked - and he didn't know what to make of it.

So, needless to say, I'm feeling significantly better about my situation. Plus, I'm losing, so that's way exciting. I lost 3 lbs the day of my fill, and another 2 lbs yesterday. I know that's a whole lot, but I just put on about 3 or 4 lbs while I was on vacay a week ago, so I'm thinking this crazy weight that I'm losing now isn't actually "real" weight. You know what I mean?

And yesterday (my first full day after my fill) I felt like I really had restriction. I couldn't finish my half a slice of pizza yesterday afternoon, which was my first solid. It seems pretty good, let's just hope it sticks around.

So that sums it up. I still don't know what to make of all of this, but the only thing I can do is wait and see.

Thanks for all of your support!

Calling my surgeon

My hubby and I stayed up pretty late last night discussing my scary day. We decided that I would feel a lot better if I called Dr K in Denver, the surgeon who placed my band.

I really like Dr K, and I didn't leave on bad terms or anything, I just needed more convenient fills. I would hope him and his staff would discuss this with me.

As I was falling asleep last night, I couldn't help but think that something terrible is going to happen, and I'm going to wake up in horrible pain or something.

On another note, the tightness in my chest disappeared yesterday evening/night. Could that have been stress making me tight? I don't get this stressed on a regular basis, so maybe that had something to do with it?

I don't know. The next few weeks are going to be nerve wracking, that's for sure.

A few things I forgot

Grace just told me that she's gonna ask her doc about my fold. It never occured to me that another bandster could ask his or her doc about this for me. Thanks you Grace! I'll take any advice/opinions I can get.

Also, should I call my original surgeon out in Denver? I'm not sure what good it would do me, as I couldn't see him very quickly, and my new doc here in Nebraska thinks I should just give it some time, anyway. Plus, I don't want to call up my doc in Denver and say, "Hey, I saw this new guy today, and he thinks you may have effed me up . . ." I don't know what good that would do me.

If something is indeed wrong, and my new doc tells me that at the next barium swallow, then of course I'll call my original surgeon and see what I should do.

If my potential problem is health threatening, then I guess I'll have to fix it and sell the house or something. If it just inhibits my weight loss, I'm just going to have to live with it, I think. I see no other way.

This has been an awful day, and I really need your help.

To bring you up to speed, I had my 4th fill scheduled for today. I had 4.8cc in my 10cc band. I went to a new doc today, I was required to do a barium swallow so he could see everything because he didn't put it in.

The appt started off really horribly anyway, because the card I planned to use to pay for this (remember, I'm self pay for everything, and we are REALLY stretching to to afford this band and it's fees) was an Am Ex, and they don't take Am Ex. And of course no one had told me about this until I show up 1/2 hour before my appt. So I dig out a Bank of America visa that I never use because it only has a $500 limit, they run it, and tell me it's denied. WTF? Of course there are people behind me, and I've already been turned away once because they wouldn't take my Am Ex. So I get on the horn w/ BoA, and they tell me that I just had a charged approved for the $367 that the docs office was trying to charge me. Evidently, the docs office some how mananged to run the charge twice - the first one was approved (but they got no approval receipt), and the denial receipt they DID get was from the second charge, which of course makes sense, cause that would put me over the limit. So BoA had to talk to the docs office and get it all figured out. Anyway, I ended up getting it all paid for, but it left me extremely frazzled because I was afraid I was going to miss my appt, and I'd waited 5 weeks to get this one, and also, I was pretty embarrassed being told my card's DENIED. Especially when it was their fault. So I started off on the wrong foot.

But that's the least of my worries.

So this fill will be done with a barium swallow. I've never done a barium swallow, even after surgery. This is my first one.

So I go in, lay down, and get some numbing stuff around my port. Then I get the needle in my stomach, same old song and dance. I stand up in the xray thingy, and am required to start drinking barium.

The doc has me turn this way and that, continuing to swallow barium. He doesn't say much, and then goes, "I'm concerned about this bulge on the top side of your band. Where the barium is just sitting." So I have this bulge where all the barium collects, and you can see it plain as day. He goes, "I think your band has slipped."

Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit. I'm self pay, I have no way to fix this.

The doc proceeds to tell me that he'll send me home with pics of this barium swallow, and I need to call my original surgeon and he needs to fix this. At this point, I'm doing the best I can to keep myself in once piece. I had come alone, and I just wanted to run out of there and sit in a corner and cry. And I'm not a cryer.

So I say, "So what do I do now?" Doc says he recommends that we take out all the liquid in my band, and give it a few weeks and see if my bulge will go back through the band to where it belongs. But he says he's not real confident in that, becasue my stomach sits more horizontal than vertical.

So I say, "well, I guess we gotta take out all the liquid before I do some severe damage or something." He takes everything out, and then has me do more barium swallows.

I turn this way and that, again, just trying to hold it together. The nurse was really sweet and told me I could cry if I needed to.

Then the doc says, "hmm, I need to make sure I've got my orientation right. . ." Then he does a lot of talking to himself, like, "well, this is your front, and this is the back . . . .hmm, not sure if I've ever seen this before . . .(silence) . . ." I finally said, "You guys gotta say something, I don't know if something's terribly wrong here or what."

The doc has the nurse go get one of those plastic stomach models with the band attached (we've all seen them, surely you know what I'm talking about). Then he goes, "well, maybe you've got a fold in your stomach right behind the band, and that's creating this puddle of barium. He goes, "This isn't normal, and I've never seen this before, but I don't know if this is your original anatomy, or if the surgeon put a weird stitch or something that gives you this puddle." He proceeds with, "Theoretically, this fold on the other side of your band shouldn't affect your band mechanics, but I don't know because I've never seen this before. Looking at it in 2-D, it's hard to tell if this puddle is before your band or after it."

I continue to freak the shit out (internally, anyway), cause I don't know what's going on with me. The doc says that a fold after the band would be a much better prospect then a slip, because potentially, the fold after the band wouldn't need fixed or anything. I asked, "How confident are you that this is a fold after the band instead of a slip above the band?" The doc says, he's 75% confident that this is the fold instead of the slip.

So I say, "well, then, what do we do at this point?" He goes, "I can see we're not obstructing anything with liquid, so I recommend we do a fill like we had initially planned." So he puts my 4.8 cc back in, plus another 1cc. So I'm up to 5.8cc. He says we give it a few weeks and see what happens. These guys want me to do full liquids for 24 hours, so I'm sent home with those instructions.

As we were talking through this whole appointment, he drew me pictures trying to illustrate what he's thinking. I recreated it on my notepad on my phone so I could post it here. The scribbles is where the barium sits. Look these over:

This is a slip (part of the stomach pulls up through the band).


And this is the best I could do to illustrate the fold behind the band.


So, bottom line, I don't really know if I have anything wrong with me. I defintely have something that's giving me a puddle of barium, and the doc is 75% sure it's something downstream of the band. But even if it's downstream, he doesn't know how it'll affect my band, if at all.

Here's some things to think about:

-I've never had a vomiting episode or PB. I've never even been that close. Can my band slip without vomiting?

-If I had a slipped band, wouldn't I have some sort of symptoms? Or does a slipped band just cause your band to not be as effective, and you just continue on?

-My slow weight loss definately seems weird. The doc was concerned about that, but doesn't know if that means a slip or not.

I have a huge favor to ask you:

Could you ask around to see if anyone has this sort of fold after the band that would create this puddle? My doc has never seen this before, so I wonder if anyone else looks like this. Please ask around, and if you find anyone, point them my way.

I now have 5.8 ccs, and I feel TIGHT in my chest, right in the center, just about at the bottom of my bra line. Not necassrily tight when I swallow somthing, but I can feel the tightness just sitting here. I'm supposed to see what happens over the next several weeks, then go back for another barium swallow.

Since my fill 5 hours ago, I've had about 7/8ths of a Snapple green tea, and about 1/2 cup of chicken broth.

Is this how a tight fill feels? I haven't had a large fill since early May. The fill I got in June was .3cc. The doc and nurse both said that where I'm at right now is pretty tight, and if a fill is going to work, I should be able to notice it.

I just don't know what to think.

After I got out of the doc's office, I made it to my car before totally losing it. I REALLY needed my hubby, but he was at work an hour away. I cried for a long while, then started driving to my bro's to get my kids. I called hubby on the way, and tried to tell him what was going on, and just started crying again. I had to pull over, cry for a while, and then tell him what was going on. He's doing his best to be optimistic for me.

I can't help but internalize this. As in, if I wasn't a fat slob to begin with, we'd never be in this position. I have no idea how we are going to pay for anything else, I'm going to struggle to pay for my next $367 barium swallow. Our budget is so tight, it took so long just to pay for the surgery in the first place.

I just don't want to be fat. Why can't anything work for me?

Local Fill vs Non-Local Fill

So today is my first fill in Lincoln, about 30 miles away. My first 3 fills were with my surgeon in Denver.

Here's the difference in travel-

Third fill in Denver:

Wake up around 4:30am, leave the house by 5:00. Drive 1 hour to the Omaha airport, park, get in and through security, board plane by 7:00 or so. Fly for 1 hour to Denver, arrive at 7:30 there (change of time zones). Kill several hours in the airport because I can hang out on the airport floor. Get rental car around 9:30, drive to shopping mall near my doc's office. Get something to eat, hang out in my rental car reading for several hours. Head to doc's office for appointment around 2:00, spend maybe 45 minutes to an hour there. Head back to airport, return car, get through security. Get something to eat, read, and watch my flight get delayed. Finally board by 9:30. Fly for an hour, arrive in Omaha at midnight. Wait for an hour to get a shuttle to the parking lot, another 1/2 an hour to get through the attendant. Then, 1 hour drive home. Get home about 2:30 to 3:00 am.

Local fill in Lincoln:

Get up 6:15, shower, get the kids up and ready at 7:00. Pack breakfast for the car, drive 1 hour to my brother's house. Whatch my 3 nephews (and my two girls) while my brother goes to court (don't worry, he's a cop, he's on the good side of the courtroom). Spend the rest of the morning hanging with my brother and all of our kids. Drive 20 minutes back into Lincoln for appointment at about 12:15. Do fill (under flouro for the first time at my new doc). Head back to my brother's to get my kids, maybe hang out for a while longer while the kids swim this afternoon. Head home to meet my hubby getting home for work, maybe around 6:30-7:00.

Sure sounds a lot nicer, huh?

4th Fill Tomorrow

I go in for my 4th fill tomorrow. I am going to see a new doc, one that is a short drive (30 mins), instead of my original surgeon in Denver, a plane ride away. I currently have 4.8cc in my 10cc band. As of today, I am exactly 4 months post surgery, and have lost . . .wait for it . . .wait for it . . .18 lbs. Pathetic.

I mean really, who loses 18 lbs in 4 months with weight loss surgery? I do, evidently. What really blows is that I've GAINED almost 5 lbs since my last fill.

I figured out long ago that I can't diet, so I got the band. As far as I can tell, the band has done nearly nothing for me, and as I can't stick with a diet, I'm gaining.

This is beyond frustrating. I hear (ie, read) bandsters say that they couldn't over eat if they wanted to. Well, guess what? I can over eat. I hear bandsters say they go on vacay, and LOSE weight. Well, guess what? I go on vacay and come back 3 lbs heavier.

Just like always.

I'm really, REALLY trying to be optimistic about this new doc. Maybe he'll be more aggressive than my doc in Denver because I won't be so far away in case I need an unfill.

So frustrating. I could really use the $10,000 I spent on this in my bank account right now.

The bridesmaid dress . . .

I know I've mentioned some of this before, but I wanted to do a whole post about it:

So of course I didn't get a band so I can be skinny for a wedding, but I happen to be in a wedding about 7 months after banding. As such, I'd like to see some good results by then!

I've known for quite a while that I'll be a bridesmaid, and that both of my girls will be flower girls. But, we just found out (the groom took forever to make such decisions) that my hubs will be a groomsman. So that means that all four of us will be super glammed up - ball gowns, tuxes, updos (even my little girls), professional makeup (not on my little girls!), the whole works! Addtionally, the woman doing the pictures is an casual friend who has done 4 or 5 other picture sessions for both sides of my family. She's really great, and takes lots of candid, spur of the moment pics. She also has zero problems taking the pictures you want her to take, she doesn't stick to a specific list of poses or anything. So my point here is that this will be a once in a lifetime thing to have all of us dressed to the nines with loads of pics being taken. So naturally, I want to look good, dagumit!

So now about the dress:

The bride and groom live half way across the country, while the rest of us are all here in Nebraska, so we've been using David's Bridal. It's nice because everything will match, no matter where you buy it.

Furthermore, the bride is quite thrifty, which works well for me and my family. The bride got her dress on craigslist for $50 (it was a worn once, $600 dress from Davids), the Maid of Honor got her dress on Ebay for $40, and I got my dress on Ebay for $55 (it would have been $175 new at Davids). The color that the bride picked is not terribly common, so we've been really lucky to get the dresses we did.

I found my dress in February. Knowing that I was getting banded in March, I watched for a smaller size, and just took a stab at it. I figured for $55, it was worth trying.

When I first got it, I couldn't even pull it on. I keep trying it on every few weeks. I just tried it on again this morning. I can easily get it on, can now hook the bra strap that's built in, and can zip it about half way up. I'm thinking that even if I lost just another 10 lbs, I could get it zipped all the way. Mainly because the part that I can't zip won't zip because I have enourmous bazoombas, and I always loose a lot in my boobs.

So I took some pics this morning, and I want to share with you. I don't have a proper strapless bra, so I have on a regular bra. I'll buy a strapless closer to the wedding when I know what size I am. Also, I had to move my mirror to my girls' room because they have decent natural lighting. Please disregard the fingerprints on the mirror. I have kids, for goodness sake!

I'll start with the back first. Here's how much I need to get it zipped up:



Here's a pic of the front. I LOVE how my waist looks in this pic. My boobage area wouldn't look quite so wide if I could get the zipper all the way up. When I get it zipped, the sides will pull in so I won't have those wings in the bodice under my arms.



Here's a picture of the side. I'm definitely sporting the 4 months preggo look, even with my Spanx doing all that they can. I'm really hoping this area improves - A LOT.



And here's a pic of my boobs that I have yet to reign in. I obviously can't go around like this. I'm only leaning forward maybe 20 or 30 degreens, and I could squash a small civilization with those things if they fell out! Please disregard the horrible tan line, I just spent a week outside with my family on vacation. I'm sure I won't have a tan like that in October.



And, just because I like it, here's another pic of the front:



So that's all angles of my bridesmaid dress. I REALLY like the dress, especially because I got it at such a deal. And surely, SURELY, I'll be able to lose just another 10 to 15 lbs in the next 3.5 months to get it to work. Right? Please tell me that'll happen. Pretty please with a cherry on top?

The month of June . . .

Has totally gotten away from me! I haven't posted in nearly a month!

During that time, we remodeled our kitchen, and took a week and a half vacation with the kids. Does that excuse me from not posting for a month? Maybe, I don't know.

We've been home from vacay for about 5 days now, so I'm finally unpacked. As such, I've started to catch up on blogs again!

And, as I've lost a couple of followers over the last few days (that's a downer, huh?), I figured I'd better post before everyone bails on me!!

So . . .weight loss . . . .yeah, not so much. I've had 3 fills, and my 4th is on Monday. I've really only experienced decent restricion for one day (not counting the stuff immediatly post surgery), and that was after my last fill. Otherwise, I more or less don't know I have a band.

My 4th fill is scheduled for a new doc, someone that's a short 1/2 hour drive, instead of a flight from Omaha to Denver. I'm hoping that because this doc is so much closer to me, he won't be so nervous about overfilling me, and I'll actually get some restriction. I'm sure hoping so, cause right now, it sure seems like a waste of loads of money (no insurance).

I definately didn't have any issues with my doc in Denver, I would highly recommend him. I just couldn't do the traveling anymore. It's too difficult with two young children and a hubby that can't really get a way from work. I was dealing with a 20 hour round trip for my 10 minute fill appointment. Just too much hassle.

So, I'm going to a new doc on Monday. I'm excited! I really, REALLY need this band to do something for me. I can't get stuck at 20 lbs, I could've done that on WW!