So Gen's post from yesterday really got to me. Not the part about shopping, the part about using the band correctly. To sum it up, she had several quotes from several doctors that said that the purpose of the band is NOT to see how MUCH you can eat, but to see how LITTLE you can eat without getting hungry shortly afterward. That if you PB frequently, you're testing your band, and basically not doing it correctly.
Sometimes I think this is me. Granted, I'm now just two weeks out from surgery, and I haven't had a fill yet, nor have I ever PB'd (I think, see below).
But I have had several (maybe 4 or 5) incidents where I swallowed something and I could feel that it wasn't going down well. I felt a little nauseous (enough that I considered heading to the bathroom for a bit), some regular old burps came, and then it passed. These whole incidents lasted maybe 30 sec, a minute, tops.
That's not what they mean by a real PB, do they? I thought a real PB was when something actually came back up.
Until I read Gen's post yesterday, I was thinking to myself that my little mini episodes were me learning how to eat. I mean, there has to be a learning curve, correct? I can't just know how to do it immediately, right? Plus, unlike a lot of new bandsters, I was only required to do full liquids until day 7, then I could move on to mushies. At this point (two weeks) I'm allowed to eat anything.
But, am I wrong? Am I testing my band already - thus failing? Or, am I on the path to failing? YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!
I think this also stems from the fact that I sort of (I guess naively) expected to have some sort of epiphany the day a little plastic device was shoved in my gut. Well, I didn't. Sure, the first couple of days I didn't want to eat, but as soon as I opened up a little, I've been having what I want - and feeling guilty about it. Of course, the quantity has been greatly reduced, but I still grab a Dorito here and there. Also, I've been drinking with my meals, and not doing my protein like I should. What the hell? Why would I want to sabotage this?
I don't know, sometimes I'm convinced I'm going to fail at this, too. Like, I see myself being successful initially, but what am I going to look like in 5 to 7 years? I know you can gain weight back pretty easily, what's going to keep me motivated for the rest of my life?
Ugh. I'm one Debbie Downer today, huh. Sorry to drag you all down on a Friday, especially one as beautiful as this one (at least in my neck of the woods).
I guess the only thing to keep me sane in all of this is that I've maintained my initial loss of around 11 lbs. It goes up and down by half a pound here and there, but there's been no real gain. So maybe I don't suck? I don't know.
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You don't suck. There is a learning curve. You are doing fine. You won't gain it back in 5 to 7 years because if you do start to put a few pounds on, you can go get a fill and stay on top of it. You have to work, as you know, to get what you want. The band isn't going to do it for you. But before you can really get to work, you have to get used to what's going on. You are doing great. Right now is not about losing weight, it's about healing and even a little learning. The weightloss will come when you have good restriction. Don't beat yourself up and definitely don't sit around feeling guilty for living life.
ReplyDeleteJust my $0.02. :)
ldswims is right - YOU DON'T SUCK! we are at the same point with our bands as today marks my two week point. i'm still on mushies per my doctor's orders but i feel like i could eat real food. i agree there is a learning curve. we all have to learn not only how to properly use our new "friend" inside of us but also how to live with it harmoniously. and who can live happily when they feel they are depriving themselves constantly? no one. that's who. don't get mad at yourself for having a "slip" here and there. just move on, get back in the mindset of why you had your band placed to begin with and keep going. i dunno about you, but the more i seem to lose the more i WANT to choose the better food options instead of the bad ones. i guess it's cuz i can see my band working (in numbers on the scale). however, if i want a little nibble of something good, i'm not gonna refuse to let myself have it either. live. be happy. eat (the little portions we are allowed). enjoy the new life you are starting and just try to remember your reasons for starting it. that's what i do and so far it's going well. don't worry about years from now. who knows what'll be happening in anyone's life later on. think about right now. and maybe tomorrow. wink wink. i think you're doing fine. we both are!
ReplyDeleteI agree that there is a total leaning curve here and not what I expected. Every day I am dealing with the "how much is enough vs. how much is too much" because I am just so used to overeating and am still trying to find out what full means. Yesterday, I learned the hard way that deviled eggs don't agree with me. I thought I chewed, but by the time I finished the second half, I felt like my chest was going to explode. Maybe I ate too fast, who knows, but the key is that I am learning!
ReplyDeleteHi Kim,
ReplyDeleteNo, I don't consider your little episodes a PB. In my book, they would be called a minor Stuck episode.
A Stuck and Slime episode you will know it when it happens. It is painful with a small amount of Slimeing.
A real PB is what you thought, a Regurgitation if you will. Yes, Vomiting with major Slimeing happening!! I only had two real PB's.
The first one was minor and only lasted a few minutes, but the second was MAJOR, and it lasted for about 1.5 hours!! I reported it in my Feb 18th post titled "Pancakes Are Evil", if you want to read the symptoms and results!! LOL
1. BIG learning curve. 2. You don't suck at this. It's a whole new way of living and eating. It'll take a while before you get it. I'm still learning and I had my surgery in January.
ReplyDeleteYou're doing great!
Honey, you are only 2 weeks out. Give yourself a break. Of course there is a learning curve. To make yourself feel better, pick some of the bloggers that have been most successful with weight loss with their band and read their blog from the beginning. You'll see that they had moments of doubt and days of not perfect eating. That's what I've learned most about reading these blogs. You don't need to be perfect to make the band work and thank goodness for that. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteOh, and also notice that a lot of people don't lose weight for a good month after surgery. Your body is still trying to recover from surgery. I know it has got to be hard - all the waiting for the band you just want the weight to fall off. Make sure you keep these comments so in a few months when I finally get banded and I'm upset that I haven't lost weight, I give you permission to throw these back in my face. :-)
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you're doing just fine. And don't worry about years from now, that's part of the nice thing with us choosing the band, even five, six, seven years from now we can still get fills to help us maintain once we reach goal.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the others. It sounds like you had minor stuck episodes. I've never PB'd either (I'm six weeks today). I understand what that doc was saying about not trying to eat too much, but there is definately a learning curve. I'd have to say that doc has never had a band and therefore doesn't really understand that things change from day to day and that sometimes certain things don't bother you and sometimes they do.
ReplyDeleteNo, no, no! What you are doing is totally normal! You have to figure it out, and BTW there is nothing wrong with eating a dorito!
ReplyDeleteThat post was directed, I think, to people like me who have passed the 5 or 6 month mark and have a pretty good idea about how the band works. Once you know, it is self-sabotage if you eat around the band (slider foods), and using the band to MAKE yourself stop eating, rather than figuring this out yourself, is the wrong approach. Neither of these points really even applies to you at this point!
Do not feel bad! My main purpose in posting that was to emphasize that good restriction means you are not hungry all the time. Not that you can't eat without PBing.
And no, that was not a full-on PB that you had. You will know it when you see it!
Sorry you felt bad. You are doing great.